I had lunch today with my young ustaz friend, an Al-Azhar graduate, who had just turned 33 yesterday but could not celebrate for his wife was unwell and he had to take charge of their two young children. He asked me if I had done the haj and with my positive reply asked me what was the most spiritual experience I had while doing it.
I could not really relate something particularly 'spiritual’ about my haj experience but that I felt again, one of those occasions when Allah really answered my prayers.
My decision to go for the haj came rather suddenly, expectantly… I was then preparing for my present overseas assignment, when my dear friend and colleague asked me if I would d like to join her and her family and friends to do the haj. It was something I had always been waiting for, to do my haj with good friends. So unhesitatingly I said yes!
Then came the dilemma of the timing. So I went up to consult the No. 1 at my office. Without any fuss at all, he told me that this was my calling and that the place I was going to would always be there and my assignment would still be mine when I came back…
We were a group of 13 people, age ranging from mid twenties to over seventy. Throughout our preparation for the pilgrims the one word that kept coming out from our ustaz’s mouth was “mempermudahkan” (facilitate/make easy) – may Allah ‘mempermudahkan’ all our tasks and rituals during the entire pilgrimage.
You hear so may things about the trials and tribulation of performing the haj and of course I was worried if I could handle the pressure. My biggest fear was ‘myself’’! I prayed often to Allah to let me be calm and patient, to let me do my obligations sincerely and earnestly. And with this I surrendered myself to Him completely.
During the 16 days in the holy land, I was indeed calm and at peace with myself and all things around me, and was never agitated by anything. Despite the immense crowd, I always found a space for myself to do my rituals and prayers. I remember 'sms-ing' my brothers how often I cried in humility and gratitude for all the good things Allah had bestowed upon me all my life.
Indeed Allah ‘mempermudahkan’ all my efforts. I call that ‘spiritual’. Perhaps I should have prayed that I was like that for the rest of my life, for on the 17th day at the Jeddah airport waiting for my flight home, my agitated, impatient self returned!
Back in 1984 when I was living in Italy, I joined my beloved parents for the Umrah. It was the first time for me. A most poignant moment was immediately after I had completed the Umrah rituals. Feeling humbled and so insignificant and yet so blessed, I was heading towards the Kaabah when I saw my late father sitting alone facing the Kaabah deep in doa. I went over and kissed his hand and asked him to grant me his forgiveness for the rest of my life. I remember the two of us hugging each other, our tears just flowing, right there under the shadow of the Kaabah. May Allah always bless your soul my beloved Bah. And beloved Mak too, for all your love and blessings…..
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha everyone, may Allah forgive and bless us all always.
1 comment:
Roem, I've just had the chance to read this posting and I feel so rindu for Mekah and Madinah.
The year that I went to perform my haj (same year as you did yours), was my first ever visit to the holy land. Never had the chance before, couldn't afford it. But Allah granted my wish to go with the savings I had been accumulating from 1974. I could have gone earlier, but the rm had to be used to finance my children's education and lots of family emergencies. But finally I did go, the year before I retired.
Like you I had many fears or rather misgivings about going. If you remember I went with Yam and Mid, without my husband. So the first thing I had to get was his permission and blessing. Being the stubborn person that I am, I didnt want to do that, but I did finally, so that I wont have any 'frightening' experiences there. But there were one or two experiences which made me realise even more of how great Allah is. On the whole it was a really great and humbling experience for me. I would like to do it again and I pray that Allah would give me the opportunity to do so.
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