Some time ago I wrote about the same subject and got quite a reaction!
How does one really reconcile being unloved. Love comes in many forms and the need to be loved is quite overwhelming, probably more than the need to love. It's a sense of security to know that you are loved. Each person will have his/her priority whose love is most important to him/her. We can choose who we want to love but we cannot demand any particular person to love us. Love must come naturally, and sometimes love grows from knowing a person (love at first sight? Mmmm, am not so sure about that!).
Someone very close to me is still sometimes struggling with the knowledge that he was not loved as a child, and now as an adult, his mother at a ripe old age still openly shows preference to his other siblings. Coming from a big family, at a early age he was packed off to live with an elder brother, whose wife became a surrogate mother of sort. But when his father was old and sick, it was he who took care of him until the old man died - the very person who frequently proclaimed that he could not stand the sight of this son!
My young friend has now a family of his own, a beautiful wife and three lovely daughters. The way he and his daughters interact is "love personified". His children must at all time feel and have the love he never had as a child. He still tries to get close to his elderly mother but all efforts are rather in vain. He feels odd and disheartened when he calls her on the phone and and the response is akin to "what do you want?".
His mother has never been to his house and recently, knowing she was in town he organized a family gathering in her honour only to be shattered by the fact that his mother chose to visit another brother who had not made any arrangement at all. And when it comes to property matters, his siblings had been designated their share while he has not been given anything so far.
I kept advising my young friend to be patient, life is sometimes unfair and patience has its rewards. Just count other blessings. His love for his family and their love for him in return are already a reward. Parental love is something one can never demand. And I know of a few people who just do not have it from their parents, and it's hard and painful. But in Islam, filial piety is total, especially to a mother even if she is the most difficult mother you can possibly have. "Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu - the door to paradise depends on your relationship with your mother" - no two way about it!
Which made me forever grateful that my parents, in their lifetime had showered me with all the love and support a son could possible want. Though in my younger days I was perhaps sometimes naive, stubborn or rebellious to know or accept it, though to other it was so obvious how much they loved me. Alhamdullilah, I was able to reciprocate their love in their lifetime. May Allah always bless their souls, amin.
'Kurniakan lah rahmat, bahagia ibu bapa ku,
Berikan hidayah pada hati yang tertutup...'
See video : http://youtu.be/e_soESI12Dg
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